Tuesday, November 20, 2012

good bye baby

Today my Midwifes office informed me that my miscarriage is complete, and my "levels are back to normal". Wow!  This all seems so surreal; indeed I miscarried, I was pregnant-I had not even known I was expecting.    It all started last month when I skipped my period.  Right away I took a test, and it was negative - I figured I was skipping my period because I am still nursing a lot, and I read this can cause irregular periods.  I began what I thought was a period  the following month.  That first day was awful, the pain was worse than any period i'd ever had.  Then I passed 2 very large clots - this was my tip off that I might be miscarrying.  So I called my mid-wife and she sent me for blood tests to confirm my hormone levels.  I was so surprised when they told me I was pregnant!  And I just knew this was it!  The beginning of the end of my time with this child with in me!   This would have been our sixth child - he or she is now in heaven and God willing I will meet that child someday.  I am sure God is trying to teach us something through this- but I do not know what it is.  Was it an answer to my prayer to have another baby - even though I was not totally sure we were ready?  Was it a test? How much do we trust in Him - that He will make up for what we lack?  Well if anything this will get my husband and I to talk about if we are or are not ready for another baby.
Why am I beginning this Blog?  I have toiled with this question for months! Although I obtained this Blog name right after my husband and I made our decision to put our children in school, I was not sure if I should write about our struggles and joys of our post home-school life.  Alas, I am giving it a try.  Why, because it is my therapy haha, and because when we were wrestling with our decision to home-school or put our kids in school there was very little support out there!   I found there was a ton of pro-home-school support, but very little pro-Catholic school support (in the online catholic scene and in our local circle). My fear was great thinking that I was sending my children to hell in a hand basket if I send them, but feeling too overwhelmed and exhausted to home-school even one more day - lets just say I was an emotional wreck!   So here we are one year after putting our kids in school and our status is .... Thanks be to God .... our kids are doing well and so are we!  So if you have been home-schooling your kids and are struggling with the idea of weather or not to keep on with homeschooling or placing your kids in school - grab a cup of tea or coffee and hopefully this simple blog will be of help.